wanted & loved.

So, apparently more people read this then I imagined...

I was confronted the other evening by a friend about something I had written -

she was gracious and sincere in her comments ...

most of all, she reminded me of a simple fact I too often forget,

"I am wanted, I am loved."

I find myself, perhaps more often then not recently, questioning my relationships ... do they really like me? or just tolerate me? ... and I really going to be a good FNP? ... am I a good mom? why do I feel like all I do is fuss at the kids? ... when was the last time I told Eric I like him?

I don't know why I have such doubts...concerns with self-worth...is it related to past hurts and failures? is it related to the distance between me and the friends I wish to spend just even an hour with? hard to know ... but I do know one thing

"I am wanted, I am loved."

Maybe not always here on earth, but God wants me and God loves me for me ...

now to work on always remembering that...

It's "Growing" Season...

Does there ever come a time when you stop wondering "is this who I am?" ... or is there something i am missing?

I know this doesn't make much sense, but I feel as though I am in a constant state of change - of discovery - of coming to "terms" with who I am and in turn, being comfortable with the expression of that knowledge.

I am:

• Crystal
• daughter of Christ
• and of 2 pretty amazing parents :)
• wife of the most amazing, handsome :), patient, and forgiving man'
• mother of 2 children who I am humbled to have
• student of the art of Family Nurse Practitioner...
• I tried to eat healthy, live wisely, respecting the environment and the earth God has entrusted to us...
• I am not able to justify exorbitant costs, etc in the name of "organic" -
• I believe there is a fine line to toe between spending extra to live a "greener" lifestyle and being wasteful with our finances....I mean, really - why would I spend $1+ an ear of corn just because it is organic when there are thousands of people worldwide who could eat for a week on that $1+ I just spent on something I could get for much less? What is more important -- organic or people???
• My heart's desire to expand my world view, and that of my children's to places beyond Harrisonburg...I am not going to base my reality on "high school" on "college" ... I want to see God in action, to be a voice to the Nations around me...
• I choose to not participate in a Bible study with people who can not allow others to experience God in a different way...
• I do know what I am talking about...I believe in medicine and the potential it has...I choose not to believe in people who believe lies about immunizations and purposefully place their children and those around them at risk for infectious diseases and other complications that are preventable. I choose to not stand by and watch my child suffer needlessly...
• I let my child learn to self-soothe by allowing them to fuss ... YES I DID, got a problem with it? -- all I have to say is my child has been sleeping through the night since 4 months and since 6 weeks, is YOURS? I am getting sleep, are YOU?
• My child is not telling me what to do ... while your child lies in their bed plotting their next demand for your time because you have conditioned their internal bodily clock to need a nighttime feeding ...
• and yes, continuing nighttime feedings and wakings necessitating parental intervention beyond the age of about 6 months DOES in fact mean that you have trained your child to need you to go back to sleep...did you know kids naturally awaken 3-4 times per night ... that is normal, what is NOT normal is your child awakening during the night after about 6 months of age and not being able to go back to sleep on their own...
• I am so very tired of people who have such little compassion for those around them...I mean, really?? aka '- if you are at a party and it comes up that everyone at said party is going on said trip save one person who everyone knows wasn't invited on said trip..then why the ??? would you continue to discuss this trip unmercifully for the next 10 minutes?!?!? in front of that person?!?
• ps - next time you go to buy that super expensive freaky organic corn at the market, just because it is organic...hope you think about someone (maybe even in the very same neighborhood as you) who might not even have enough money to buy one green bean for their supper this very evening.

ok, needed venting out of my system for a bit...so glad to have this little space of web to be able to spill my thoughts out in a "safe" environment...